How Do I Make A Mom Friend?

I had prayed for a mom friend.  I’ll never forget the day I laid eyes on her.  She had a navy striped shirt on, dark wash jeans and Sperry shoes.  She had me at the navy stripe, obviously.  We were sitting by the train table watching our kids play at the library.  Since we were the only two there and the library is my version of a bar,  I asked her how old her kids were.  It’s my standard pickup line and we struck up a conversation.

By the end of our conversation, I gave her my number.  I hoped she would call.  She did and we met at a park.  Later, that week I accidentally sent her a funny/awkward picture of my husband that was meant for my sister-in-law and her gracious, comical response solidified we would be good friends!

I had spent what felt like years looking for a best friend because It’s hard to make friends.  Motherhood can be isolating which is why we need friendship.  It can be tempting to say we don’t have time with the routines and the chores but it’s essential.   So, how do you make and keep friends?

In Order To Have a Mom Friend, Be a Mom Friend

We all want a friend but we need to change our focus and ask ourselves how can I be a good friend?  So, often we can get so focused on our own loneliness but when we reach out and serve others, we will find friendship.  Ask yourself how you can serve a mom in your midst?  Then serve them well.

Initiate Friendship

We can be so intimidated by one another but just be brave and say hello.   Come up with a good pick-up line and use it.  Then, keep asking questions and listen.  See, if you can find common ground.  Use an encouraging word to open up the conversation.  If we wait for friends to come knocking on our door, we have a better chance of becoming friends with the neighbor kid who knocks looking for our children!

Get Involved

Get involved in organizations where other moms hang out.  Try a bible study.  Community Bible Study and Bible Study Fellowship are both non-denominational and great.  Check to see if your hospital organizes new moms groups.  My tried and true – go to the library for story time or hang out in the kid’s area.  Try Kindermusik or mom-focused workout classes.  I met lots of friends when I first became a mom through MOPS.  Click here to see if there is one in your area and GO!

Be Brave & Show Up

After you meet someone, get their phone number and plan a playdate.  If someone asks you, be brave and say yes. Just like when you are dating, first dates are always a little awkward until you get to know someone but the only way you get to know someone is by showing up over and over and over again. Deep friendships are formed by repeatedly showing up and doing life together over time.

Invest in Friendship

Every relationship is made or broken based on the effort put forth, friendship is no exception.  You need to take time and invest in your friends.  We make time for what is important to put your friends on the calendar.  Be flexible and think outside the box about how to get together.  

It could be things like running errands together.  Minivans have room for lots of car seats.  Maybe, it’s running carpool so you can chat when you pick up each other’s kids.  Sign up for the same basketball team so you can chat while you watch your kids play.  Go on a walk and get a little exercise while you talk.  When our kids were little my best friend and I would sometimes have our kids nap at each other’s houses.  Pack n’plays are awesome.  Be willing to be flexible. 

What if you have been blessed and have friends?

You are not off the hook.  Be aware of others who could use friendship. You can never have too many mom friends.  Just this last year two of my dear mom friends moved away.  Recently, I joined my local MOPS group and I realized all over again how awkward it can be to join a new group.  I really wanted someone to reach out, to make eye contact and see me.

What happens when friendships change?

Life happens, circumstances change.  Friends move, kids go to different schools, you change churches.  As a result, friendships change with time.  If our expectations are to keep our friendship exactly how its always been despite a change in season, we are going to be left really disappointed.

Don’t Let Past Experience Hold You Back

I’ll never forget the way my high school boyfriend broke up with me in front of the entire high school musical cast at our cast party.  He was a winner.  After that experience, I never wanted to date again.  We have all had similar past experiences with a friendship that caused us to tread lightly in putting ourselves out there but I could have missed out on meeting on some of my best friends had I not stepped out and said hello. 

Keep on Keeping On

If you haven’t found your people yet, don’t give up.  Keep being a friend, show up and love others well.  It also never hurts to pray and ask God to bring a friend into your life.  He wants us to find community!  If you want more friendship inspiration, read this article about finding your mom squad.  Join me on Facebook Friday FUN Live today at 12pm cst as we tackle the subject of friendship!

Here are a few good books I would recommend on friendship –  Women are Scary Never Unfriended and Uninvited

Until next time keep on keeping on with a simple purposeful life!

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