adoption

International Adoption Process Q & A

Lucy, our youngest daughter, was just 5 months old when Scott’s sister and brother-in-law brought our nephew home from China.  We had walked with them through their international adoption process.  Never in a million years at that moment, did I think we would walk through it ourselves.  Yet, here we are on the brink of bringing home our son from China.  Anytime, I mention that we are adopting I get lots of questions so I thought I would answer some of the most frequently asked questions when it comes to the international adoption process.

My husband and I also did a Facebook Live and covered many of these questions, you can watch it here.

Why did you choose adoption?

Many people assume adoption is reserved for those that cannot have biological children of their own and while that is a reason, it’s not the only reason.  We have 3 biological children and actually thought our family was complete.  You can read this blog post to my last child (God has a sense of humor!).

Shortly after my nephew came home from China, I started to feel this “pull” to adopt.  I remember with trepidation voicing the desire to my bible study small group and shortly after to my husband.  Like I said we were done having children, so my admission was a surprise to everyone, even myself.

I asked Scott to pray about it and he didn’t.  He didn’t know how serious I was so a year later on our 10th wedding anniversary cruise, I asked what he thought about us adopting and he had to admit he hadn’t prayed.  He agreed to pray and over the next 6 months, God revealed to him that we should adopt too.  We started the international adoption process in late August 2016!

We chose adoption because we answered the call God placed on our hearts.  It sounds silly but it’s true.  On average 1/3 Americans have considered adoption but only 2% actually adopt (source).

Why did you choose international adoption, specifically, China?

For us, there was no question in our mind.  We felt called to China.  We will never understand fully what it feels like to be adopted but we could give our child 2 cousins that would share their heritage and experience.  They would have cousins that looked just like them in photographs and they could grow up together knowing others like them.

Not only that, as far as adoption goes China has a very reputable long-standing relationship with the United States and the process, although slow, is very straight-forward and by the book.

What does the International adoption process look like?

We started by locating an agency that specialized in the China adoption process.  We were given the advice to go by word of mouth recommendation so we opted to go with the same agency as my husband’s sister’s family used.  We filled out the application and were accepted into their program.

Home Study

The next step was completing our home study.  Since our agency was located out of state, they recommended a local agency to do our home study.  A social worker within that agency was assigned to our case and made several visits to our home to interview both my husband and I as well as our kids.  The social worker than compiled all of the personal and financial information into a large document that would eventually be sent with our file to China.

I-800 & Dossier

When that was complete, we started the immigration process by filling out the I-800 which is the pre-approval necessary to immigrate a child into the United States.  Once we got that back, we could compile all the collected paperwork and submit our dossier (all collected paperwork) and submit it to China.  When they received our dossier and accepted it, we were officially logged in.  We were officially logged in (LID) July 2018!

Waiting for a Match

Then, we waited for a match.  This by far was the hardest part of the process because there was literally nothing we could do except pray and wonder when we would receive a file.  Then, on February 26th we got a file and accepted our match.  You can read more about our match day here.

Prepare to Travel

Once, we got matched we officially accepted with a letter to China and waited for our letter of acceptance (LOA).  Once we got that back, things were official and we could start the ball rolling to go get our son.  We sent in the rest of our immigration paperwork (I-800A) and started filing for our Chinese visas.

Once we get the I-800A paperwork back (takes 4-7 weeks) then we can schedule the day we pick up Quincy (gotcha day).  They are always on a Monday and book plane tickets based on that.

What will your stay in China look like?

We plan to fly into Beijing 4 days ahead of our scheduled gotcha day to acclimate to the time difference.  It’s literally halfway around the world (13-hour time difference).  We will use the time to acclimate and sightsee around Beijing.

Then, we will travel to our son’s province.  During our stay there, he will officially be placed in our custody and we hope to see his finding place (the place he was abandoned) and visit his orphanage.

Then, most likely after that, we will travel to Guangzhou where the US Embassy is located for the remainder of our stay.  There, we will have a variety of medical and consulate appointments.  In between, appointments a guide will take us to different sites in the area like the local zoo, a river cruise and a visit to the pearl district to name a few.  We will travel by train to Hong Kong and then fly out of Hong Kong back to the United States.

Our agency helps us plan the entire trip thankfully since we probably will be in a bit of a new child haze most of our time in China.

Will you travel to China as a family?

Yes!  Our kids have been part of the entire adoption process and we want them to experience our son’s birth country and culture.  We want them to learn the value of global citizenship beyond the scope of central Iowa.  There are lots of opinions on this but for our family, based on the recommendations of those we trust, we have chosen to all go!

How much does adoption cost?

The short answer is between $25,000-$35,000.  The fluctuation in numbers is due to travel expenses based on the time of year you travel and how many people will be traveling.  The thing I didn’t know about that number is not all of the money is due at one time.  Our international adoption process has taken 20 months so far and we have paid portions of that throughout.

When we were praying about adoption, everyone who had adopted said do not let money stop you, God will provide.  It’s true.  In a million different and unexpected ways, God has provided.  We have learned a lot about what contentment and have really refined our spending habits in this process, definitely an unexpected benefit.

How much do you know about your son?

Before we ever got matched, we had a conversation and training on what we were willing to accept.  It’s heart-breaking to have to decide but it’s a life-long commitment and we had 3 other children to consider.

So, when our social worker sent us our match she knew exactly what we were looking for.  So, before I even opened his file I was pretty sure he was our son.  We got a fairly extensive medical record and all the information they knew about him plus a few pictures and 2 videos.  We had that information to make our decision.

We consulted our local pediatrician and she looked over his file too.  We were going to have an international adoption specialist review his file but it wasn’t necessary in our case.  We most likely won’t get any more information on him until we meet him on Gotcha day.

How can others be supportive of adoptive families in the process?

Ask questions.  The biggest difference I noticed when adopting is that since there was no protruding belly, there was no visual reminder to prompt people to ask how it was going.  The adoption process can be lonely and the wait can be extremely hard.  Just asking how it’s going means so much.

Prayers.  Knowing you are being prayed for is huge.  Even though we are matched, we still covet prayers for smooth paperwork, safety in travel and bonding for our whole family.

Support.  Whether that be a financial contribution, help with fundraising, taking care of the housework while they are away or a meal when the family gets home.  Just knowing there is a community there to support you is huge.  We invite our friends and family to meet us at the airport to meet Quincy when we get home.

Understanding.  Due to the need to bond, the adoptive parents need to be the primary caregivers for the first 3-6 months which means they can’t attend a nursery/daycare setting.  In addition, his primary needs like feeding, diapering, and holding should be done by his parents alone.  Although it seems different, it’s essential the child feels bonded to the parents.

What adoption resources would you recommend?


How do you find an adoption agency?

We had been given some good advice to go with a word of mouth recommendation.  If you know someone who has adopted, ask them who they used for their adoption.  Then, set up a time to chat with them in person or over the phone and ask your questions.  It’s important you feel comfortable because they will walk you through the process, you want to have a good rapport out of the gate.

 

Bringing awareness to adoption

We love to bring awareness to the international adoption process and share our adoption journey with others.  Keep in mind, every country and adoption is different and the international adoption process looks different than the domestic adoption process. However, When we were deciding whether we should adopt, I loved reading about other’s adoption journeys.

Also, if you have any questions, please email me at erin@simplepurposefulliving.com.  Plus, don’t forget to watch our Facebook live where we share more about our adoption journey and answer more questions!  Watch it here.

Until next time, keep on keeping on with a simple purposeful life.
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Linking up with Becky and Andrea
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Meet Quincy James Port

On Tuesday, February 26th I woke up knowing it would be a crazy day, Solon and Vera both had dental procedures and they also had parent-teacher conferences that night with a slew of the regular everyday activities in between.  It would be a full day for sure.

When I finally sat down to check my email after I got Lucy tucked in for her afternoon nap, I saw an email from our social worker.  I wasn’t surprised because, in a fit of impatience, I had shot her an email the day before.  The wait was getting to me!

I popped open the email and quickly scanned it, knowing most likely there would be no news.  Her email read, “There hasn’t been any movement since I talked to you BUT today I just received the file of a little boy.   I wanted to send you his file to view, would that be ok?”

All I could muster up as my heart raced was “sure”.  I wanted to call Scott but he was in a meeting with the CEO of his company so I just texted, “call me when you can” and prayed.  Prayed that we would know what to do, prayed that this was our son, and I also tried not to cry.

It was time to take Solon to his dental procedure so off we went.  Then, there sitting in the middle of the dentist’s waiting room, the email arrived and my whole world changed.

I saw my son for the first time.  I called Scott and we tried to talk in code as I was in the waiting room of the dentist’s office after all. I was sweating through my shirt and pretty much just trying to hold it together.  I am not sure what I said or did or if I even paid my bill (but they know where to find me).

We had parent-teacher conferences that night so we scheduled a phone meeting with our social worker for right afterward.  Right before she called I asked Scott what we should tell her.  We had 24 hours to decide.  I knew this was our son but he usually likes a little time to think through things so I wanted to give him his time.  He responded with, “I don’t think my answer will change between now and tomorrow, that’s our son.”

So, at 7:36 pm on February 26th we said Yes, Quincy James Port is our son.  Shortly after, we went upstairs and during family prayer time where we had prayed for him as a family for nearly 20 months, we pulled up a photo and said meet your new brother.  There were cheers, tears and lots of oohs and ahs.

We now have our official letter of acceptance and mailed in our immigration paperwork.  We hope to travel early this summer to bring home our baby boy.  Just thinking about it makes me tear up again.  It’s been such a journey, it’s been hard and we have had to fight through the fear, doubt and unknown but made it to this point and I still can’t believe it.

I have been walking around in a haze for over a week pretending my whole world hasn’t changed.  I have wanted to scream it from the rooftops and now that it’s official, we can :).

God has had his hand on Quincy from the very beginning, knitting us together in a story only he could write.  Now, I am focusing on that moment where they place him in my arms and I hold him tight and say, momma has you and you are so loved.  Thanks for sharing in this journey with us and praying for him.  We are so thankful.

 

Until next time, keep on keeping on with a simple purposeful life.
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Linking up with Becky and Andrea

Overcome Unlikeliness and Live Your Purpose

I shared this message at the women’s retreat I spoke at as well as another group of women this past week.  I hope it encourages you too as you live your life simply on purpose 🙂

 

Unlikely.  That’s the word that comes to mind when I think about our adoption.  We were done having kids.  There have been other times in my life I have felt very unlikely or unqualified.  Maybe you have felt unlikely too. 

We might be unlikely by the world’s standards but we are chosen.

God chooses ordinary people like you and me to do extraordinary things.  Just look at Esther.  She is one of the only women in the whole bible that has a book named after her.  She was an ordinary girl in the middle of Persia minding her own business when the king selected her and several other beautiful women to come to the citadel for a beauty pageant.  He was in need of a new queen so a beauty pageant was the logical choice.

Guess what? Esther was chosen to be queen.  We know she was not only chosen by King Xerxes but also by God for a specific purpose.  There was a plot to annihilate her people. As queen, if she stepped out in brave faith, she could save them and she did.  God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

So how can you overcome feeling unlikely and say yes to God?

Find your identity in Christ.

In Genesis, God is creating all the things in the universe. He saves his best creation for all, mankind.  In Genesis 1:27 it says, So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them. We bare the image of God.  Our worth is found in that, not in our abilities, beauty, or possessions.

Our identity is not rooted in what others think we can or cannot do.  I don’t know about you but I care too much what other people think.  My identity is rooted in the fact that the creator of the universe made me in His image and I am his beautiful creation.

If we weren’t that valuable, would God have sent his son to die so that we could be reconciled to him?  No.  He loves us so much, it says in John 3:16, that he sent his son to die for us.  We are deeply loved.

Step out in faith and know God makes what you have enough.

But I am not qualified?  I have said it myself.  I don’t have what it takes.  The bible is full of stories detailing the fact that God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.  Just look at David.  He killed Goliath with a staff, a sling and 5 smooth stones when he stepped out in faith.  Do you know what made David successful?  God.  1 Samuel 17:45 David said to the Philistine (Goliath), “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty.

David stepped out in faith and God took what he had (the sling, stone, and staff) and went with him.  Just like that little schoolboy who gave his lunch to Jesus.  Jesus fed 5000 (John 6:7-13).  God took what he offered and made it enough.

Know God is faithful.

Just like God was with David, He is with you.  A couple weeks ago we got news our adoption process has slowed down considerably.  Our dreams of having our baby boy home for Christmas were dashed.  I was really upset.  Why God?  The next morning, I forced myself to read the bible.  I didn’t want to but I knew I needed to and I heard God whisper read Joshua 3.

In Joshua 3, God is leading the Israelites to the promised land after 40 years of wandering in the wilderness.  They were wandering because they had given in to fear and not trusted God after God tried to lead them into the promised land the first time.  Now, the only thing separating them and their 2nd chance at the promised land was a flooded Jordan River.

God told the priests to put one foot in the river.  Step out in faith.  When they did he stopped the river way upstream and it says, the entire delegation crossed on dry land (he didn’t even make them walk in the mud).  When they finished crossing, God told them to gather up stones and make a memorial so they could always remember that God had been faithful in leading them across the river into the promised land.  God is faithful.

Remember stones of faithfulness in your life.

When I finished reading that story, I wrote down all the times God had been faithful in my life. He changed our hearts for adoption.  He provided Scott with a new job and the list went on and on.  Then, when I ran out of ideas from my own life, I started writing down stories of God’s faithfulness from the bible.

Remembering how God has been faithful in the past brings me comfort that he is faithful now. He will help us bring our baby boy home.  You might not be waiting for your adoption to be complete but maybe you need to be reminded of how faithful God has been as you wait for him to show himself faithful in a current situation.

Get off the bench and get in the game.

When I remembered who I was in Christ, that he chose me and built me with a purpose, I could bravely step out in faith knowing he would make what I had enough and be faithful.  I am so glad we said yes to God, we would have missed out on so much.

It reminds me of that short time I played basketball in 7th grade and my coach called me off the bench to get in the game and I was like, no man I am good.  I’ll just sit here.  And my coach yelled back, get in the game.  I got up and got in the game and I am so glad I did.

Even if you feel unlikely, know you don’t walk alone. Get in the game.  You are not unlikely to God, you are chosen.  We are only given one life.  Let’s live it simply on purpose.  

Are you with me?

Need more inspiration, you might like this –
To The Person Who Thinks They Have No Impact
Encouragement for the Mom with Young Kids
10 Daily Habits That Will Transform Your Life

 

Until next time keep on keeping on with a simple purposeful life!

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Linking up with Becky

 

Our Adoption Story – International Adoption Process

Chinese lantern Pinterest pin for international adoption

This post is long overdue but the last several months we have been knee-deep in paperwork as we navigate the international adoption process.  Many adoptive families say there feel paper pregnant and we have definitely felt that way!  If you missed the first three adoptions posts you can read our announcement here, part 1 here and part 2 here. Today, I am going to walk you through the first part of our international adoption process!

Choosing an Adoption Agency

After we decided in September to pursue international adoption, we got busy filling out our adoption agency application.  From all our research, most people recommended choosing an agency based on word of mouth experience.  So, we chose the agency Scott’s Sister’s family used for their first adoption.  They were using them for their 2nd adoption so we figured that was good proof they liked their experience.

We got accepted by our agency and I had my first phone conversation with our social worker.  It was a warm fall morning and the big kids were at school.  Lucy played nearby as I sat in our white rocking chair.  It was surreal talking about our adoption and walking through the process after praying about it for so long.  Our social worker walked me through the process and answered my pressing questions.

Due to some new Chinese laws, we would not be eligible to adopt until Lucy (our youngest) was 3 years old.  However, we could start the domestic side of the adoption and when she turned 3 in June, we would be ready to notify China!  I just remember choking up several times during the conversation.  I was equal parts scared and excited but my heart knew this was God’s plan for our family.

Our Home Study & I-800A Approval

In October, we got accepted and had our orientation meeting.  We would be using our main agency for our dossier and referral but they could not do our home study.  Thankfully, they recommended another agency, we applied to that agency, got accepted and we began our home study in December.

I was so nervous to have a stranger come to our home and poke around.  What would she say?  Thankfully, she quickly put my fears to rest and we instantly hit it off.  She made the hours of interviews feel more like a conversation amongst friends.  She visited 3 times, interviewed us as a couple, as individuals and even interviewed the kids.

I’ll never forget when she asked Vera what she was scared about and Vera responded “strangers and thunderstorms.”  Our social worker quickly course corrected and asked “what are you scared about with the adoption?” to which Vera answered, “nothing”.   Our social worker had recently returned from a trip to China where they worked in orphanages and she told stories about what she saw.  All of us, but especially the kids, were attentive listeners.

We wrapped up home study at the end of January and she submitted the final copy to our referring agency in February.  From there, we got to work on our I-800A which is the paperwork that pre-authorizes us to immigrate a child to the United States.  We headed to the federal building downtown to get our biometric scan which really was just fancy dancy fingerprint scans.  We mailed all that paperwork off by the end of March.

Prepping Our Dossier

In the meantime, we started making appointments for our adoption physicals and started compiling all the paperwork necessary for our dossier.  Everything from tax statements, proof of employment, birth and marriage certificates, physical exams for everyone, a psychiatric evaluation for me, and our complete financial standing.  Scott and I would block off a time on the weekends and work together to make a to-do list, scan, and copy!

At the end of April, our I-800A was approved.  We mailed our dossier packet off to our agency on Mother’s Day!  A great way to commemorate Mother’s Day!

We were ahead of schedule and feeling good but paperwork takes time ;)!  The next step in the dossier phase is to have your paperwork authenticated at the state and federal level.  We got word from our agency that our file was rejected in Iowa because of a bad notary signature on one document.  We got it all redone and our paperwork was approved in Iowa in June and then sent to Washington D.C. to be authenticated.  Everything cleared and our paperwork was sent to China on July 17th, 2018!

Officially DTC

So, now that our paperwork is in transit to China – we are officially DTC (dossier to China).  When they get our paperwork, they will review it and officially log us into the system.  We hope to hear within the next week or two that we are officially LID, meaning we are logged in and ready to receive referral files.

Due to some law changes, adoption agencies no longer have partnerships with orphanages so the centralized system makes it a longer process to get a referral.  Our social worker told us we should get matched within the next few months.  I am not going to lie, it’s so hard to wait but my wise husband reminded me we have made it this far, we know God’s perfect timing will prevail.

Praying and Waiting

If you made it to this point, in this very long update, thank you!  I hope this post gives you a glimpse into the international adoption process.  No adoption is identical but when we were researching adoption, I wanted to read other adoptive families’ stories to help give insight into what we might experience.  I hope to pay it forward.

We will keep you posted.  If you think of it, please pray for us.  Pray for our child, for us to be united in a decision and for God’s provision in finances.  The average cost of an international adoption is $35,000.  We have seen God provide financially already and are trusting Him to help us with the remainder of the cost.  We have about $20,000 left to pay.  He has carried us this far.  We know He will guide us but we also believe in the power of prayer :)!

 

 

Our Adoption – God’s Provision & Stepping Out in Faith

If you are catching up on our adoption story, you can read about our our Adoption announcement here and the  first installment of our story here.

Vocalizing Our Adoption Desire

Last we left off, Scott and I were spending a lot of time praying about adoption.  I was trying my best to keep my mouth shut and let God work out the details. In April 2017, we had our couples small group over for our weekly Thursday night meeting.  When we went around the room to share prayer requests, I looked at Scott willing him to share about adoption but instead he said, we have an unspoken prayer request.

I wish I could have captured my face and our group’s face in that moment.  They all looked at us curiously and my eyes might have ended up in the back of my head but Scott was just not ready to vocalize it yet and so I knew, despite my frustration at the seemingly never ending wait, I had to be patient.

Asking for even an undisclosed prayer was progress.

Week after week our group joked with us about our unspoken prayer request. We did life with these people and they knew something was up.  I am an open book so it took everything in me to not share my heart but I wanted to respect Scott and his heart needed some time.  Finally, one Thursday night, he was ready to share and he looked at me to do the honors.  My heart beat out of my chest vocalizing the words to our small group that we were praying about adoption.

Of course, they needed more information because we had told them our family was complete after Lucy so we rambled on as they asked questions, we didn’t really have answers for!  Around that same time, we shared with my best friend and a few close family members as well so I was thankful to process through my fears and feelings with others.  I do my best processing with my mouth ;)!

After we shared, we continued to pray.

 

God’s Provision

Over and over again whenever we talked about it, Scott’s main concern was the cost of International adoption and the cost of caring for another child with the possibility of special needs. Some asked us why we didn’t foster to adopt (which is free) or try domestic adoption but our heart has always been in China.

So, we prayed specifically for God to show us how we would be able to afford it.  I didn’t work outside the home and although we saved some monthly, it would be really hard to do without dipping into long-term savings which Scott was unsettled about doing and to be honest so was I!

While praying, I wracked my brain and searched Pinterest trying to think of all the different ways we could make enough money to cover the estimated $35,000 cost!  I had lots of ideas but of course God had other plans that could only be orchestrated by Him and show us that He would provide.

So, we should not have been surprised when Scott got an interesting text on a random week day in June (2017).  A friend and former colleague asked him if he would be interested in a new job at a different firm.  Scott had worked at the same company since he graduated and had no intentions of looking anywhere else but he jokingly texted back if the price is right. 

One thing led to another and he ended up setting up an interview with the company, more out of curiosity, than anything else.  Meanwhile, another former co-worker and friend reached out the same week asking if he would like to come work for his company.  Not one but two new job opportunities, seemingly out of nowhere, in one week’s time.  He had gotten opportunities in the past but nothing worth investigating and never two in the same week.

Was it just a weird coincidence?

We started to wonder if God was up to something.  He ended up interviewing with both companies and the first one asked what would motivate him to come so Scott gave them a number that he thought was crazy and we prayed that if this was how God would provide, He would.  I also prayed that this would bolster Scott’s confidence that God would provide for us if we stepped out in obedience.

 

Stepping Out in Faith

On August 19th, 2017, the day of my 34th birthday Scott gave me a little bag filled with tissue paper.  I was cautiously optimistic that it might be the one thing I asked for my birthday, a confirmation that we could step out in faith and say yes to adoption.  A big birthday request but when he asked what I wanted for my birthday, that was it!

So, as I took out the tissue and saw a little Chinese flag, I knew he was saying yes to adoption!  We told the kids the news and they were all excited. They couldn’t wait for another sibling.  My heart started to beat a mile a minute and to Scott’s surprise I didn’t cry. I  was in shock.  After years of praying, we were finally stepping out in faith.  The moment was quite surreal much like the emotion you feel on your wedding day.  It was happening.

On September 25, 2017 – just a month after we stepped out in faith and said yes to adoption, Scott started his new job.  He accepted and signed that crazy offer he had submitted to them.  Both of us humbled at how God provided for our family as we stepped out in faith, with trembling feet and hearts racing, as we embarked on bringing home our child.

It’s not the story we would have written or the way we thought the finances would work out but God always works out the details according to His perfect plan!  Now, it was finally time for the next step and officially start the adoption process.

 

Until next time keep on keeping on with a simple purposeful life!

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Linking up with Heather  for Oh Hey Monday- check out the link-up!

Adoption Update: Praying About Adoption

January 2016, I held a 6 month old, a chubby cheeked Lucy, in my arms.  I sat down on a stool in a Sunday school classroom with my bible study small group.  We each went around sharing prayer requests.  My heart beat out of my chest at the thought of sharing a secret but I knew I had to get it off my chest.

It was no surprise, I started to cry as I spoke the words, I think I want to adopt.  My bible study friends listened intently as I poured out my heart, my words probably making no sense at all, but alas they listened.  To be honest, the desire to adopt didn’t make sense to me either.  We had our 3rd child, whom we had long prayed for and just a year prior we said our family was complete.

The ladies agreed to pray for me and we left it at that.  A month later, we visited Scott’s parents in Florida and they watched the kids for a coveted date night out.  We chose a fancy bayside restaurant and while enjoying Scott’s favorite (not mine) Oysters Rockefeller, I told him I had, what seemed like, random but deep-seeded, desire to adopt.  He listened and I told him he should pray about it and that I was praying about it.  The evening ended on a series of different subjects with the adoption discussion finished for the time being.

That’s the way the adoption conversation went for a long time.  It would come up from time to time but the subject usually faded into another conversation and that was that.

I’ll never forget the Sunday, my friend Azlyn stood up in front of the congregation to share about her desire to become a full-time missionary serving the orphans in Togo, Africa.  She told story after story complete with pictures of gaunt-faced babies without moms and the Holy Spirit within me grieved.  Tears trickled down my face as my heart yearned for those orphans.  I have sat through many amazing missionary speakers and not once had I ever been moved in that way.

I knew enough about God to know He was moving in my heart and creating a desire but we had witnessed some difficult scenarios with adoption in the past and the idea of adoption scared me.  I didn’t want to go into the process and fail.  So, I wiped my tears away and told myself it was too hard.  Scott wasn’t on board and the pain of the past was too much to proceed.

But God did not relent.

In August 2016, Scott attended a mens breakfast where the speaker shared how he adopted several children from Africa.  Of course in my infinite wisdom,  I though that would change Scott’s heart.  I probed as a wife might do and to my great astonishment and discouragement, Scott said he had a great time but he never mentioned how God moved his heart toward adoption.

At that point, I figured I must be hearing God wrong about adoption because how could I have this desire if Scott wasn’t on the same page.  If Scott was praying with no change of heart, I needed God to change my heart.  Although, deep down I knew God was for adoption, I must have heard him wrong.

But God did not relent.

In January 2017, we headed out on a week long Caribbean cruise.  The funny thing is when you get away from your kids you have time to talk, not just about the day to day, but dreams, desires, hopes for our family and our future.  One afternoon, over our favorite chorizo bean dip out on our balcony, I asked Scott if he had been praying about adoption.

He said no.

To say I was hurt was an understatement and thankfully God took hold of my tongue.  Instead of yelling and screaming, I calmly shared that the desire of my heart had not changed in over a year.  I still felt called to adopt despite asking God to take the desire away.  I told Scott, adoption scared me to death and that I really needed him to pray about it.

For the first time, I think he realized this desire of mine wasn’t fleeting and I was dead serious.  He agreed to pray and we dug deep into our fears of finances, failure, family dynamics, caring for an orphan…you name it we went there.  It was scary and vulnerable and we did not have all the answers.

For the next several months, I did my best to not nag him.  I had to trust that Scott would stick to his word and pray.  It was hard because I like to help by reminding him but I kept hearing God say, he would work it out if I just zipped my lips.  What a lesson that was for me!

I waited and prayed as Scott prayed and waited.



Until next time, keep on keeping on with a simply purposeful life.  #tribekoko
 
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