mom friend

How Do I Make A Mom Friend?

I had prayed for a mom friend.  I’ll never forget the day I laid eyes on her.  She had a navy striped shirt on, dark wash jeans and Sperry shoes.  She had me at the navy stripe, obviously.  We were sitting by the train table watching our kids play at the library.  Since we were the only two there and the library is my version of a bar,  I asked her how old her kids were.  It’s my standard pickup line and we struck up a conversation.

By the end of our conversation, I gave her my number.  I hoped she would call.  She did and we met at a park.  Later, that week I accidentally sent her a funny/awkward picture of my husband that was meant for my sister-in-law and her gracious, comical response solidified we would be good friends!

I had spent what felt like years looking for a best friend because It’s hard to make friends.  Motherhood can be isolating which is why we need friendship.  It can be tempting to say we don’t have time with the routines and the chores but it’s essential.   So, how do you make and keep friends?

In Order To Have a Mom Friend, Be a Mom Friend

We all want a friend but we need to change our focus and ask ourselves how can I be a good friend?  So, often we can get so focused on our own loneliness but when we reach out and serve others, we will find friendship.  Ask yourself how you can serve a mom in your midst?  Then serve them well.

Initiate Friendship

We can be so intimidated by one another but just be brave and say hello.   Come up with a good pick-up line and use it.  Then, keep asking questions and listen.  See, if you can find common ground.  Use an encouraging word to open up the conversation.  If we wait for friends to come knocking on our door, we have a better chance of becoming friends with the neighbor kid who knocks looking for our children!

Get Involved

Get involved in organizations where other moms hang out.  Try a bible study.  Community Bible Study and Bible Study Fellowship are both non-denominational and great.  Check to see if your hospital organizes new moms groups.  My tried and true – go to the library for story time or hang out in the kid’s area.  Try Kindermusik or mom-focused workout classes.  I met lots of friends when I first became a mom through MOPS.  Click here to see if there is one in your area and GO!

Be Brave & Show Up

After you meet someone, get their phone number and plan a playdate.  If someone asks you, be brave and say yes. Just like when you are dating, first dates are always a little awkward until you get to know someone but the only way you get to know someone is by showing up over and over and over again. Deep friendships are formed by repeatedly showing up and doing life together over time.

Invest in Friendship

Every relationship is made or broken based on the effort put forth, friendship is no exception.  You need to take time and invest in your friends.  We make time for what is important to put your friends on the calendar.  Be flexible and think outside the box about how to get together.  

It could be things like running errands together.  Minivans have room for lots of car seats.  Maybe, it’s running carpool so you can chat when you pick up each other’s kids.  Sign up for the same basketball team so you can chat while you watch your kids play.  Go on a walk and get a little exercise while you talk.  When our kids were little my best friend and I would sometimes have our kids nap at each other’s houses.  Pack n’plays are awesome.  Be willing to be flexible. 

What if you have been blessed and have friends?

You are not off the hook.  Be aware of others who could use friendship. You can never have too many mom friends.  Just this last year two of my dear mom friends moved away.  Recently, I joined my local MOPS group and I realized all over again how awkward it can be to join a new group.  I really wanted someone to reach out, to make eye contact and see me.

What happens when friendships change?

Life happens, circumstances change.  Friends move, kids go to different schools, you change churches.  As a result, friendships change with time.  If our expectations are to keep our friendship exactly how its always been despite a change in season, we are going to be left really disappointed.

Don’t Let Past Experience Hold You Back

I’ll never forget the way my high school boyfriend broke up with me in front of the entire high school musical cast at our cast party.  He was a winner.  After that experience, I never wanted to date again.  We have all had similar past experiences with a friendship that caused us to tread lightly in putting ourselves out there but I could have missed out on meeting on some of my best friends had I not stepped out and said hello. 

Keep on Keeping On

If you haven’t found your people yet, don’t give up.  Keep being a friend, show up and love others well.  It also never hurts to pray and ask God to bring a friend into your life.  He wants us to find community!  If you want more friendship inspiration, read this article about finding your mom squad.  Join me on Facebook Friday FUN Live today at 12pm cst as we tackle the subject of friendship!

Here are a few good books I would recommend on friendship –  Women are Scary Never Unfriended and Uninvited

Until next time keep on keeping on with a simple purposeful life!

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Linking up with Andrea and Becky – check out their blogs for more fun!

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Be the Mom Village, The Mom Tribe, The Mom Squad

I was running late #always and so I didn’t bother to notice the puke in Lucy’s bed.  She hardly ate a bite for breakfast.  The first alert I had was Vera yelling from the backseat, Lucy’s puking everywhere. #nice I ran her into preschool and smiled to my neighbor and said Lucy just puked, can you bring home Vera?  Mom Squad.

A sweet friend’s water broke at just 33 weeks.  A friend texted us and we all went to pray with her.  Mom Squad.

Taking a meal. Mom Squad.

A shoulder to cry on.  Mom Squad.

Watching another mom’s kids while she goes to serve in her son’s classroom.  Mom Squad.



We ALL Need A Mom Squad.

Take it from me, each additional kid, as they get older, as I get older this do it yourself-er (and I am not talking about home DIY) realizes the deep, deep need for a village.  A tribe.  A squad.    You can not be all places, do it all, be everything to everybody every moment of the day.  You need help.  You aren’t failing if you ask for help, you are human.

The Webster’s dictionary Siri defines squad as a small group of people having a particular task.

Task — motherhood
Squad — mothers
Motherhood was never meant to be an individual competition.  There is no podium, no trophies for participation.  Motherhood is a team sport.    It’s messy, dirty, sanctifying, hair-raising, adventure-ridden, chaos with a lot of fun, squishy hugs and wet kisses thrown in for good measure and you need someone to high five and say – You got this.
We cannot do it alone.  We need a mom squad.   A mom tribe.  A mom village.
We have a deep need for community and relationships.  It’s in our XX DNA.

What if you don’t have a village?

You need one.  So be the village.  It takes being the village to have a village.   #activeparticipationfolks
Be the caretaker, shoulder, taxi driver, meal taker, accountability partner, and hand holder.  Write a note the good old fashioned way and walk it down to the mailbox or better yet give yourselves a moment to breathe and have your kids do it for you!
If you seek community, a community will seek you.  To be a friend is to have a friend.  
Get out there and say hello (it’s uncomfortable for everyone), you might just meet your dearest friend while sitting alone at the library.
 
To be the village is to have a village.  
 
To be the tribe is to have the tribe.  
 
To be the squad is to have the squad.

No Maximum Capacity in Your Tribe

No matter how big or small yours is, you need it.  So nurture it, care for it and give thanks for it.  Don’t take it for granted, you are going to need them to get to that championship game.  They will be there to swoop in when you can’t and you will be there to swoop in when they can’t.    And one more thing, there is no maximum capacity in these villages so invite people in, everyone needs a village.
Now that’s #squadgoals.

How can you be a village to someone today?  How has someone been the village to you?

 

Until next time keep on keeping on with a simple purposeful life!

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